Now is the winter of our discontent
by Sylindara
Summary: Mayuzumi talks himself into a relationship with Akashi, but not, like, because he's doing it for him or anything. Written for Team Battle 2015 on basketballpoetsociety Tumblr [MayuAka]


**Author's Note** :

Kind of a spiritual continuation to the two Mayuzumi & Akashi fic I wrote before (Point of Origin and Introduction, Development, Twist, Conclusion), although they're not actually all happening in one universe because those were written before the manga ended.

I've added some extra bits that wasn't in the sub for BPS. I guess this can be seen as the conclusion to my MayuAka; they're finally dating!

...

The ball is in his hands, Akashi knows he must shoot- no, he must pass. But there is no one to catch his passes. He has left them behind. They have left him behind. The basket is right in front of him, but he can't get past the person blocking his way. The scoreboard blares 111:11.

Akashi wakes to the buzzing of his phone. Today is Graduation Day for Rakuzan High.

As the Student Council President, Akashi stands at the front of the assembly for the school leavers, not even looking down at his notes as he recites the speech he had prepared. _Your three years here had meaning. Your future is full of possibilities. Be proud of your accomplishments._ He does not look at Mayuzumi. Not until the very end, when everyone has received their graduation certificates, squeezing their way out of the crowded gym to make their last memories. Mayuzumi looks back at him then melts into the throng.

There are no lessons today, not for graduation, so after the tidying up is complete Akashi gathers up his things and heads for the exit. He steps out amidst a storm of cherry blossoms, great gusts of them that fly into his eyes and threaten to blind them. But his sight is stronger than that; through the falling petals, a pale figure blurs into view.

* * *

On the list of terrible things to have ever happened to Mayuzumi Chihiro in his short life of seventeen years, the Winter Cup finals is only not on the top by virtue of the fact that a) he had been expecting most of the humiliation and b) Akashi cares way more about losing than he ever will. Mayuzumi does not deny the fact that hanging his sense of self-worth on how crushed psychologically his kouhai and captain must be after their loss kind of makes him a dick. He doesn't give a crap.

Mayuzumi wouldn't go as far as to say he hates Akashi; he knows, had always known, just as well as the Uncrowned trio, how far Akashi will go for victory. In the claustrophobic cage that was Rakuzan's Ideal, it could have been no other way. And in his own way, he was thankful to Akashi, for so many things.

But precisely because of that, he will never forgive Akashi for what he had done either. For the sacrifices he made; for throwing away Mayuzumi, for throwing away the Uncrowned, for throwing away himself.

Not that it means anything. Mayuzumi has not only graduated the club, he has graduated the school too. He no longer has any obligation to care about the club, about basketball, or about Akashi Seijuurou. Which, of course, is why he is loitering at the front gate of the school, waiting for someone he's not even sure will show.

He's not a masochist; he doesn't want to keep inflicting Akashi on himself because he thinks he owes the guy anything. Mayuzumi owes him _nothing_. Anyone who had seen the events of that finals match against Seirin would have been well within their rights to say that Mayuzumi is wasting his time standing awkwardly to one side of the gate unnoticed by the world. But there is no one here for Mayuzumi to oppose, no one to whom he can assert that he is doing the right thing.

He _is_ doing the right thing. He knows, because out of the masses of people pouring out of the school is a bright speck of red – a very familiar red. Staring at the cheap red scarf lying jarringly against the plush fabric of one of Burberry's most expensive coats for this season – which he only recognises because the entire student body had gossiped about it for days, because even in a good school like Rakuzan the only topic worth talking about is Akashi's clothes – Mayuzumi thinks life would be so much easier if he could hate Akashi Seijuurou.

" _You got me a scarf," Akashi said, uncomprehending, as if people did not get given scarves in high society._

" _I'm certainly not going to actually spend money on you," Mayuzumi told him as prissily as possible; to make up for the fact that he had gotten Akashi anything for his birthday at all. "My aunt knows I hate it, but she still knits me a scarf every year. So you can have last year's one."_

 _Akashi frowned. "It is rude to re-gift present. You should consider her feelings more."_

 _It took everything he had for Mayuzumi not to say something biting about people who are rude and trample over others' feelings._

"Thought I told you not to bother me," Mayuzumi says into the silence as Akashi stands in front him with his nose buried inside the scarf, making no move to start the conversation.

Akashi blinks quietly up at him. "Not until graduation were your exact words."

Mayuzumi makes a face, grabbing one end of the scarf as he turns away from the school, walking towards down the street. "You're wearing the scarf," he tries again.

"I believe it is good manners to wear the presents you are given when meeting up," says Akashi. Mayuzumi can't tell if he's supposed to take him seriously.

"That's for people who are dating," he protests, pausing in front of a light.

Akashi does not answer, turning away with his face smooth as a china doll. Mayuzumi can feel it all rushing to his head. He's not here for Akashi's brush-off.

"Why are you here? Running after me like a dog. Where's your pride gone, captain?" Mayuzumi asks, because maybe he does hate Akashi a little after all.

"I'm not your captain anymore," Akashi says softly, looking up at Mayuzumi with his face still blank. "Is that how you see me?"

It's Mayuzumi's turn to look away. "What do you want?"

"To do what I can for you. Because you did all you could for me. Above and beyond what you had to."

It still hurts, even though it was Mayuzumi who brought it up. "I don't want apologies. Especially not from you."

"It's not an apology unless you want it to be."

"I don't want you being a good little robot doing what you think I want," Mayuzumi says, not caring how truthful it is. "I liked you better when you were being a good little robot doing what _you_ want."

Akashi smile is sad, and a little bitter. "Is that what you thought of me?"

"That's what I wanted you to be. I wanted my humiliation to be what _you_ wanted, because _you_ want to win. Not just another sacrifice made for the sake of whatever you were dedicating all those victories to." This is what Mayuzumi didn't want to admit about himself. That he was as pathetic as any light novel protagonist, panting after the impossible because she, because _he_ had made Mayuzumi feel needed.

"Don't get me wrong." Akashi's voice turns stern. "An Akashi must be a winner at all times, he must stand above all others, but do not think for a moment that I do not win for myself. My actions are for the sake of victory, _my_ victory."

Mayuzumi kind of hates himself for finding that hot.

The light turns green as the silence ripples out from between them. They walk on, aimless; nothing is resolved, and Akashi is back to looking like a china doll. It leaves Mayuzumi feeling unfulfilled and wondering why he bothers.

He knows why though. He'd learned this in school – the sunk cost fallacy. He has invested so much time and effort into Akashi – far more time and effort than he can justify even acting as his shadow –Mayuzumi can no longer consider giving up. He owes Akashi to see it to the end, for all the pain, for all the joy, for the pride of being the starting member of the Rakuzan basketball club in the finals of the Winter Cup, for the despair of knowing that ultimately all his hard work means nothing. The question is, what _is_ that end? Surely it had come and passed that day months ago, when all their sacrifices proved to be meaningless because they don't even have victory to assuage them of their regrets. And yet, Mayuzumi is still here, Akashi is still here, they are both still here together.

"Some things don't change, I guess," Akashi says quietly as they stop at another red light. "Including your propensity to monologue inside your head."

"Stop reading people's minds," Mayuzumi snaps, the mood ruined yet again. Yet another sweet, romantic trope spoiled by his association with Akashi. To think he'd once thought it cute and enviable that the heroine can cut right through the protagonist's uncaring façade and know what he's thinking behind his cool exterior.

"I don't need to read your mind to know what you're thinking," Akashi says quietly behind him. It feels like a Moment again. "Thank you for waiting."

That's the problem, isn't it; Mayuzumi isn't stupid, he can see the writing on the wall, he knows where this is going – had known all along. Maybe that just makes him a sucker, that he chooses to go into it eyes wide open. And yet, he's still here, knowingly, willingly, offering himself up because he has already given Akashi everything else.

* * *

I have lost. Akashi knows this intimately. We have lost.

But that does not need to be the end.

That isn't the end.

"Won't you go on a date with me, Mayuzumi-san?"


End file.
